THE FEAR OF EXPOSURE: A MATTER OF SELF-ESTEEM?
What does it mean to be afraid of exposure? It means enacting behaviors such that you take refuge in your own perimeter and do not indulge in a relational life.
Very frequent behaviors in young men and women, especially in adolescence, when insecurities and inner frailties emerge most strongly. It means looking in the mirror and not liking yourself. To see an image of one’s body that does not fit one’s thinking and to feel that one is not worth enough compared to others. Feeling lacking in something.
It means feeling judged by the looks and thoughts of others. Not expressing one’s opinion, for fear of being judged stupid and not smart enough. Fear of exposure manifests a psychological discomfort where being, wanting to be and having to be, conflict and the perception of oneself is not adequate for one’s acceptance.
A person of integrity, that is, one who can understand his or her needs, express them and realize them, will be clear about the value of self.
Is it a matter of self-esteem?
Self-esteem could be defined as the amount of value each person places on himself or herself. This implies appreciation toward oneself, for one’s abilities and inclinations possessed, even if not yet expressed, but “feel” to possess.
The value of self is very subjective, it is structured over time, but the basis is essentially formed by the relationships established with the reference figures, mom, dad, brothers, sisters, uncles, grandparents, instructor, teachers, in short, all those figures who have had meaning in one’s life. Meaning, in the sense of having left a mark within oneself, for better or worse.
This happens from very early childhood, and then continues throughout the growing-up years.
To illustrate, a child who is seen, regarded, accepted, encouraged and well-liked will be very likely to develop a self-worth that will enable him or her to face life’s difficulties head-on.
On the contrary, a child who has been mortified, denigrated, despised, devalued or disregarded and neglected will have a hard time structuring an adequate personality to cope with the obstacles he or she will face, because the “mark” that others will have left on him or her will be that of inability and inadequacy.
He himself will feel inadequate and “different” from others, whom he considers to be of “value” and worthy of appreciation.
Sometimes, the discomfort one feels in front of one’s body image stems from the disdain one detects from others, from those signs, even imperceptible ones, that one has caught in the gaze or in a word, perhaps said for other intentions, but which has managed to touch that “raw nerve” within us, which claims its pain.
Thus, it happens that we put ourselves in the position of fearing the judgment of others and asking for confirmation of thoughts addressed to ourselves.
Since, as we well know, seekers find … we will be able to find, without too much effort, that clue that confirms the contempt we feel toward ourselves or toward that part of us that we do not like or that we do not consider conforms to the model that is suggested to us by society. By endorsing in this way the false belief that we are “really” wrongly made.
It happens so that, relating the value of oneself to one’s body, becomes the easiest way to hole up and close oneself in the shell of reluctance toward the world, by which one does not feel accepted. While it is the world that is rejected, through the “belief” of not being accepted by others or not being liked. If we think we are not liked, in fact, we stand toward others with a certain reluctance, which encourages, paradoxically, others to turn away from us. Just like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Triggering, in this way, a dangerous as well as ambiguous vortex, from which one is sucked in and locked into one’s own emotional refrain: “I am not enough…“
Unfortunately, the increasingly in vogue cultural models that are daily proposed to young people refer to statements such as “I am more than you,” “I am worth more,” “I have more than you” … and thus “I can.” Models that translate into considerations of value, referring only to the way of appearing rather than the way of being.
A form of competition ad libitum, in which the power of doing and showing, overrides all logic of common sense and even education, placing the subject in a state of inferiority for merely not adhering to the proposed models.
This fad, which provides only a futile deception of belonging, because we know well that the virtual world is illusory, denotes the histrionic-compulsive trait of our times, which involves everyone, parents and children alike, in a stage performance of the false self, especially when the “false beliefs” create psychic suffering and existential distress.
Here is the importance of breaking out of this mental cage, with the redefinition of a self-image congruent with what one feels to be, to be able to give space and voice to one’s hitherto mortified “self,” abandoning homologating models and highlighting one’s own way of feeling and expressing oneself, through the communication channels that one feels most adherent to self-respect.
